Comedian gatecrashes water industry do in Brighton - to the bemusement of bosses

Comedian gatecrashes water industry do in Brighton – to the bemusement of bosses

Social media sensation Troy Hawke turned his attention to Britain’s water industry bosses – by gatecrashing an industry event. Hawke greeted executives at an annual conference in Brighton with his signature blend of elaborate compliments and uncomfortable truths about their industry’s record, and privatisation.

The self-styled “Greeters’ Guild” frontman left industry leaders struggling to explain why England remains one of only two countries globally to run water purely for profit – alongside Chile:

The water industry: toxic as hell

The comedian’s intervention comes as water companies face mounting criticism for paying out £85.2 billion to shareholders since privatisation in 1989 while sewage pollution incidents have soared. Southern Water, which provides water services in Brighton, is now proposing the highest price increase of 84%.

Troy Hawke said:

Call me naive but I can’t help but think that a water industry that prioritises people and the environment over shareholders profits could be anything but a good thing. Full written apology if I’m proved wrong.

The stunt, organised with campaign groups 38 Degrees and People vs Profiteers highlights shocking statistics showing nearly 2,000 people fell ill from sewage-contaminated water last year. Despite this record, water company CEOs continue to receive record-high bonuses, while 40% of households will struggle to pay their increased water bills.

Hawke can be heard asking one attendee whether his ‘boss’, ex-Liverpool and Denmark footballer Jan Mølby, will be at risk of botulism whilst taking his ‘cold water plunges’ in Greasby Brook. To another, who claimed to work ‘on the clean side’ of the industry, Hawke retorts “I didn’t know there was one!”

Shocking statistics

Bosses were also greeted with a mobile billboard outside the venue, showcasing shocking statistics first revealed by 38 Degrees via FOI requests: the ten major water companies in England and Wales have amassed 1,135 criminal convictions and £164 million in fines since privatisation in 1989:

38 Degrees analysed the lists of relevant convictions submitted to the Environment Agency by Southern Water, South West Water, Northumbrian Water, United Utilities, Severn Trent Water, Thames Water, Yorkshire Water, Anglian Water, Wessex Water, and Dŵr Cymru Welsh Water:

	Convictions	Costs	Fines	Other	First reported conviction	Latest reported conviction
Anglian Water	128	£715,983.15	£4,916,055.00		1990	2024
United Utilities	205	£447,562.17	£5,021,000.00		1990	2023
Thames Water	187	£1,977,646.70	£41,615,485.00	£10,572.00	1991	2023
South West Water	174	£754,975.71	£4,535,784.00		1990	2022
Nothumbrian Water	48	£297,319.00	£1,515,091.00		1999	2022
Yorkshire Water	125	£359,947.20	£5,143,300.00		1989	2022
Southern Water	119	£2,739,914.38	£94,131,925.00		1990	2024
Severn Trent	62	£472,625.16	£6,553,995.00		2000	2020
Wessex Water	47		£171,250.00		1999	2024
Welsh Water	40	£114,418.75	£480,200.00	£1,175.00	2002	2024
Totals	1135	£7,880,392.22	£164,084,085.00

Attendees and members of the public alike were also guided from the train station to the conference venue by stickers reading “The Great Sewage Conference”.

Matthew McGregor, 38 Degrees CEO, said:

The scandal of sewage in our seas and rivers is an environmental disaster decades in the making. It’s rightfully making headlines every single week and the public are clear who they level the blame at: water companies.

Since they were privatised in 1989, water companies have been racking up huge fines and criminal convictions for illegal sewage spills; whilst bills for customers soar and execs and shareholders profit through bonuses and dividends. The public have had enough, and that’s why we’ve brought a message to water company bosses to Brighton today that they can’t miss: enough is enough, clean up this mess, now!

The Government has made a welcome commitment to tackling sewage head-on. The forthcoming Water Bill and independent commission must now result in real change, and meet the growing call from the public to clamp down on water companies and stop the sewage scandal once and for all.

Stop the water industry ripping us off

Jack Steadman of People vs Profiteers said:

Troy has a unique ability to expose absurdity through charm. The fact that water executives couldn’t explain why England should be one of only two countries running water for profit speaks volumes. Labour is considering banning water company profits – this shows exactly why they should.

Featured image and video supplied

Tags: privatisation

Comments 1

David Willetts says:

2 years ago

Here’s my prediction: Labour won’t ban profits, instead they’ll let ofwat increase prices by whatever water companies say, meaning average bills will exceed £900 or even £1000. Infrastructure will remain unrepaired and undeveloped. Profits will increase to at least 60-70 percent, but hidden. Shit will continue pouring into rivers, only the media will stop reporting it, and funding for monitoring will be cut. Responsibility for some water company functions will be transferred to local authorities.
We live in a neoliberal system, the pretence of democracy that people believed they had (as if voting made a difference) has gone, corporations own govt outright, including water and utilities. 38 Degrees will keep campaigning, marching, protesting and doing stunts, as will We Own It. But none of these is democracy, so they won’t make a difference. The campaign to change the house of lords is over a century old, council tax remains unchanged despite campaigning. And climate change and ecological destruction remain unaddressed, as does inequality. We can add leasehold reform and renters reform to this list of refusals to help the majority. And how about fox hunting as another example. If we lived in a genuine democracy, we would be actively making decisions, not asking “representatives” to do so on our behalf only to be ignored. Direct democracy is a tautology and representative democracy is an oxymoron. Democracy needs no adjectives, it is simply decision-making by those the decision affects. In 5 years’ time, most people will be even worse off, there is no mechanism to lead anywhere else. Only active struggle will change things, since this is about concentrated power that’s willing to kill (see Prem Sikka’s various accounts of the death toll since 2010 on Left Foot Forward – over a million dead, and MPs complain about their own safety without even a hint of irony or concern for the blood on their hands). And the UN is clear about the UK government’s various social murder policies, to which we can add the removal of the WFA.