When President Trump saw the NHS marches, he incorrectly assumed that Britons were against national health. In response, some NHS proctologists have identified that Mr Trump may have an ailment called headup arsitis.
The good news for him is that they’ve offered to fix it for free.
There was obviously something wrong, as no one marches against free health coverage. Other than the people who profit from insurance scams, obviously. Although you wouldn’t catch them out marching, as then we’d know who they are and what they look like.
A little prick
When our world-class doctors met with Trump, the problem was obvious.
“He had his head stuck up his arse,” the lead proctologist explained.
Although the operation should have been quite simple, it was hampered by the fact that Piers Morgan’s head was up there too.
“You’re very homophobic,” Morgan complained.
“We’re homophobic because you stuck your head up his arse?” a confused doctor asked.
“Exactly,” Morgan said – his words coming out rasped and smelly.
“I think you might be confused,” the doctor said. “Because gay people don’t generally stick their heads up each other’s arses. Although people with a condition called spineless suckupecia often do.”
As soon as Trump had had his head removed from his anus, he realised how great national medicine was. He also realised how terrible everything he’d ever said and done had been.
Many of Trump’s supporters, however, are refusing to come out. And even though it stinks up there, the gold-plated walls do give a veneer of class.
Featured image via United States Air Force (image was altered)
We need your help ...
The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.
Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.
We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.
Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?