NHS proctologists offer to pull Trump’s head out of his arse for free

Support us and go ad-free

When President Trump saw the NHS marches, he incorrectly assumed that Britons were against national health. In response, some NHS proctologists have identified that Mr Trump may have an ailment called headup arsitis.

The good news for him is that they’ve offered to fix it for free.


There was obviously something wrong, as no one marches against free health coverage. Other than the people who profit from insurance scams, obviously. Although you wouldn’t catch them out marching, as then we’d know who they are and what they look like.

A little prick

When our world-class doctors met with Trump, the problem was obvious.

“He had his head stuck up his arse,” the lead proctologist explained.

Although the operation should have been quite simple, it was hampered by the fact that Piers Morgan’s head was up there too.

“You’re very homophobic,” Morgan complained.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

“We’re homophobic because you stuck your head up his arse?” a confused doctor asked.

“Exactly,” Morgan said – his words coming out rasped and smelly.

“I think you might be confused,” the doctor said. “Because gay people don’t generally stick their heads up each other’s arses. Although people with a condition called spineless suckupecia often do.”


As soon as Trump had had his head removed from his anus, he realised how great national medicine was. He also realised how terrible everything he’d ever said and done had been.

Many of Trump’s supporters, however, are refusing to come out. And even though it stinks up there, the gold-plated walls do give a veneer of class.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

Featured image via United States Air Force (image was altered)

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed