Third Heathrow runway vital for all the holidays people can’t afford to take

A plane with 'AIR FARCE THREE' written on the side
Support us and go ad-free

Britain is facing many problems. They include:

  • Climate change.
  • People having no disposable income.
  • People in London thinking they’re all that.

The solution to none of these problems is building a third runway at Heathrow.

Jollies

When it was put to the government that no one can afford to go on holiday, a spokesperson said:

Thankfully not, no. People are a lot happier when they get leisure time, which is why we put a stop to it.

Lots of people are coming to visit the UK, however.

When the UK’s various bigots got wind of this, they were incensed. A statement from the ‘Axis of England Fashists’ [sic] read:

We don’t want them coming over here, thanks. We voted for Brexit and that means they have to stay in their own countries and be jealous of how good England is.

Read on...

The government later clarified:

Sorry, what we meant was a lot of Russian oligarchs are coming over. They’re planning on buying up all the housing estates we’ve run down and turning them into luxury flats that nobody lives in.

The Axis responded:

Carry on, sorry – PMSL!

Coming in to land

Yes – but anyway – the runway.

It’s shite, and everyone knows it. In fact – it’s basically the symbolic equivalent of having the climate change minister taken outside and shot.

We’re going to get it anyway, though, because it will make the rich slightly richer. And although it will also create new jobs, it’s unlikely they’ll pay enough for people to take holidays.

We just don’t really do those sorts of jobs any more.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via Josh Hallett (altered)

We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support

The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.

The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.

So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.

Support us

Comments are closed