Third Heathrow runway vital for all the holidays people can’t afford to take

A plane with 'AIR FARCE THREE' written on the side
John Shafthauer

Britain is facing many problems. They include:

  • Climate change.
  • People having no disposable income.
  • People in London thinking they’re all that.

The solution to none of these problems is building a third runway at Heathrow.

Jollies

When it was put to the government that no one can afford to go on holiday, a spokesperson said:

Start your day with The Canary News Digest

Fresh and fearless; get excellent independent journalism from The Canary, delivered straight to your inbox every morning.

Thankfully not, no. People are a lot happier when they get leisure time, which is why we put a stop to it.

Lots of people are coming to visit the UK, however.

Continue reading below...

When the UK’s various bigots got wind of this, they were incensed. A statement from the ‘Axis of England Fashists’ [sic] read:

We don’t want them coming over here, thanks. We voted for Brexit and that means they have to stay in their own countries and be jealous of how good England is.

The government later clarified:

Sorry, what we meant was a lot of Russian oligarchs are coming over. They’re planning on buying up all the housing estates we’ve run down and turning them into luxury flats that nobody lives in.

The Axis responded:

Carry on, sorry – PMSL!

Coming in to land

Yes – but anyway – the runway.

It’s shite, and everyone knows it. In fact – it’s basically the symbolic equivalent of having the climate change minister taken outside and shot.

We’re going to get it anyway, though, because it will make the rich slightly richer. And although it will also create new jobs, it’s unlikely they’ll pay enough for people to take holidays.

We just don’t really do those sorts of jobs any more.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via Josh Hallett (altered)

Since you're here ...

We know you don't need a lecture. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care.
Now, more than ever, we need your help to challenge the rightwing press and hold power to account. Please help us survive and thrive.

The Canary Support

Comments are closed