Blow for Remain, as Tony Blair speaks out against Brexit again

Tony Blair with an explosion and the EU flag behind him
Support us and go ad-free

Tony Blair.

Tony fucking Blair.

When will he learn? When will he learn that everything he touches turns to shit?

Not today, obviously, as he’s once more spoken out against Brexit.

No thanks 

Some pundits said we shouldn’t dismiss Blair out of hand:

The problem is – the people saying we shouldn’t dismiss Blair out of hand are also people you should really just dismiss out of hand.

But what did Blair say this time?

According to one person who saw him speak, Blair opened his mouth and proceeded to emit white noise for half an hour. This seemed unlikely, but when we looked at the video, it was true. Almost like Blair’s previous actions have made it impossible to listen to him.

Give war a chance 

Maybe the horror-pricks are right, though? Maybe we should give Tony ’45 minutes to death’ Blair a chance?

We caught up with a psychologist to ask if it’s us with the problem:

Not really. Imagine if you bought a sausage roll from someone and discovered it had been purposefully stuffed with dog shit and syringes. Now imagine the baker who perpetrated this terrible snack offered you another.

Would you take a chance on it not being filled with filth and deception? Not fucking likely.

Blairxit

Brexit won by making people think the EU was bloated with out-of-touch elites who don’t care about those affected by austerity. This was easy to achieve, as it’s largely true.

But making people think we’re better off with the EU elites than the Tory ones isn’t helped by deploying more elites. Especially when said elite is Tony Blair.

Because don’t forget, Blair still thinks he ‘fixed’ Iraq. Do you really want him ‘fixing’ Britain?

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via The World Affairs Council – Flickr / Wikimedia / Irinawave – Wikimedia

Support us and go ad-free

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed