Army on standby to deliver Brexiteer propaganda post-Brexit

Soldiers breaking down someone's door and saying: "Jacob Rees-Mogg says our hand has never been stronger"
John Shafthauer

Plans have been drawn up for the possibility of a no-deal Brexit. This could see the army delivering vital British necessities – like food, fuel, medicine, and tweets about what a nob Piers Morgan is.

Brexiteers have petitioned to add something else to this list – namely, propaganda that insists the Brex-apocalypse is actually quite good.

Keep calm and Brexit on

Prominent Brexiteers have insisted that the following messages should be delivered with people’s rations:

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  • Project Fear said we’d be eating pig anuses post-Brexit. The reality is they’re cow. Brexit wins again!
  • You don’t need petrol to get to work when the factory you worked at moved to Poland, am I right?
  • Medicine is for snowflakes. In the old days, they’d saw your leg off and all you had to take your mind off it was a slice of tangerine. Look forward to all that and more with the brand new Privatised Health Service!
  • Most of the food we can’t get anymore was foreign anyway. You know who else was foreign? Hitler.
  • We survived WWII, so we can get through this. Many people didn’t survive WWII, obviously, but the important people did. It will be the same with Brexit. Anyway – enjoy your cow anuses!

Blitzed spirit

We spoke to someone who’s been at the business end of this Brexit propaganda. He reports good results:

I was unsure about Brexit, but then a soldier turned up and told me at gunpoint it’s going really well. So that’s a weight off my mind.

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Featured image via DVIDSHUB – Wikimedia [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]

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John Shafthauer