REVEALED! Right-wingers gag their mouths because they talk out of their arses anyway

Tommy Robinson, Adolph Hitler, and Milo Yiannopoulos with tape over their mouths
Wilson Belshaw

There’s a long tradition of right-wingers taping their mouths shut to claim they’ve had their free speech curtailed. It’s now been revealed how they carry on talking despite this self-gagging.

Arse

Despite constantly having duct tape over their mouths, right-wingers have been managing to give lengthy speeches on how:

You can’t say anything these days!

The recently released scumbag Stephen Yaxley-Lennon (trading as Tommy Robinson™) was on the news with a bunch of socks in his mouth talking about this very thing. But how did he manage it?

It was suspected that the right had learnt how to throw their voices ventriloquist-style. But the truth was revealed when former BNP leader Nick Griffin was spotted speaking while eating a doner kebab. Using advanced audio-placement technology, scientists were able to discern that the words were coming out of his arse. 

Gag

Generally, these people aren’t actually having their speech prevented. They tell you that they’re told:

You’re not allowed to say that, and now you’re going to prison, you bad egg!

The reality is almost always that someone says:

You’re a proper bellend for saying that. What a bellend you are. Why are you such a fucking bellend?

As such, it’s not that they’re worried they can’t say things; it’s that they’re worried that others can criticise them for it. They use the idea of an existential threat to free speech as a Trojan horse to go after actual free speech.

So remember, even when it looks like their lips are moving, that isn’t where their words are coming from.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via YouTube [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]

We need your help ...

The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.

Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.

We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.

Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed

Wilson Belshaw