Canary Workers’ Co-op Canary Workers’ Co-op

REVEALED! Right-wingers gag their mouths because they talk out of their arses anyway

Tommy Robinson, Adolph Hitler, and Milo Yiannopoulos with tape over their mouths

There’s a long tradition of right-wingers taping their mouths shut to claim they’ve had their free speech curtailed. It’s now been revealed how they carry on talking despite this self-gagging.

Arse

Despite constantly having duct tape over their mouths, right-wingers have been managing to give lengthy speeches on how:

You can’t say anything these days!

The recently released scumbag Stephen Yaxley-Lennon (trading as Tommy Robinson™) was on the news with a bunch of socks in his mouth talking about this very thing. But how did he manage it?

It was suspected that the right had learnt how to throw their voices ventriloquist-style. But the truth was revealed when former BNP leader Nick Griffin was spotted speaking while eating a doner kebab. Using advanced audio-placement technology, scientists were able to discern that the words were coming out of his arse. 

Gag

Generally, these people aren’t actually having their speech prevented. They tell you that they’re told:

You’re not allowed to say that, and now you’re going to prison, you bad egg!

Read on...

The reality is almost always that someone says:

You’re a proper bellend for saying that. What a bellend you are. Why are you such a fucking bellend?

As such, it’s not that they’re worried they can’t say things; it’s that they’re worried that others can criticise them for it. They use the idea of an existential threat to free speech as a Trojan horse to go after actual free speech.

So remember, even when it looks like their lips are moving, that isn’t where their words are coming from.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via YouTube [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]

We’re a thorn in the side of the establishment, but we can’t do it without your help

Your fight is our fight. But as many of you will know, speaking truth to power has never been easy, especially for a small, independent media outlet such as the Canary. We have weathered many attempts to silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media. Now more than ever, we need your support.

We don’t have fancy offices, and our entire staff works remotely. Almost all of our income is spent on paying the people who make the Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our team and enables us to continue to do what we do: disrupt power, and amplify people.

But we can’t do this without you. So please, if you appreciate our work, can you help us continue the fight?

Canary Workers’ Co-op Support us

Comments are closed