Labour MPs threaten to leave unless we listen to the ideas they don’t have
After years of threatening to leave the party (and years of being encouraged to do so), Labour MPs are once again threatening to leave. We know they almost certainly won’t. They just want people to listen to them. The problem is… umm… they don’t have anything to say…
Off The Perch spoke to one of the MPs threatening to leave. He told us his name, but we forgot it, so we’ll call him Barry Barry:
OTP: So, what are you annoyed about this time?
BB: Brexit. And we’ll leave if we don’t get our way. Seriously.
OTP: Yes, well obviously you’ll actually go through with it. But what do you want to be done about Brexit?
BB: Second referendum.
OTP: Oh wow, this is already more thought out than most of your other revolts. What would be on this second referendum?
OTP: I mean what questions? Because there’s a risk of a second referendum looking like a stitch-up unless it’s worded right, and some people have raised issues with every set of options.
BB: That’s what we’ll do. We’ll word it right.
OTP: I see you’ve put a lot of thought into this. And how would you campaign for Remain in the lead-up to a second referendum?
BB: Good campaign.
OTP: And what would this good campaign involve?
BB: We’ll get experts from the establishment to come in and tell people that they voted wrong last time and need to make a smarter choice now. We’ve already lined up Tony Blair.
OTP: But people hate Tony Blair.
BB: If they want radical status-quoism, they’ll have to grow-up and start liking Tony Blair.
OTP: People hate radical status-quoism too.
BB: Troll! Troll! I’m being trolled!
OTP: Excellent. Well, best of luck with that new party you’re never going to set up.
BB: I’m going to tell the BBC you said that.
Having had quite enough of our nonsense, Barry Barry stormed off to cry to the mainstream media.
Featured image via Flickr – Amtec Photos (image was altered)
- For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.
We know everyone is suffering under the Tories - but the Canary is a vital weapon in our fight back, and we need your support
The Canary Workers’ Co-op knows life is hard. The Tories are waging a class war against us we’re all having to fight. But like trade unions and community organising, truly independent working-class media is a vital weapon in our armoury.
The Canary doesn’t have the budget of the corporate media. In fact, our income is over 1,000 times less than the Guardian’s. What we do have is a radical agenda that disrupts power and amplifies marginalised communities. But we can only do this with our readers’ support.
So please, help us continue to spread messages of resistance and hope. Even the smallest donation would mean the world to us.
Leave a ReplyYou must be logged in to leave a comment.Join the conversation
Please read our comment moderation policy here.