Labour MPs threaten to leave unless we listen to the ideas they don’t have

People in suits
John Shafthauer

After years of threatening to leave the party (and years of being encouraged to do so), Labour MPs are once again threatening to leave. We know they almost certainly won’t. They just want people to listen to them. The problem is… umm… they don’t have anything to say…

Speak up

Off The Perch spoke to one of the MPs threatening to leave. He told us his name, but we forgot it, so we’ll call him Barry Barry:

OTP: So, what are you annoyed about this time?

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BB: Brexit. And we’ll leave if we don’t get our way. Seriously.

OTP: Yes, well obviously you’ll actually go through with it. But what do you want to be done about Brexit?

BB: Second referendum.

OTP: Oh wow, this is already more thought out than most of your other revolts. What would be on this second referendum?

BB: Questions.

OTP: I mean what questions? Because there’s a risk of a second referendum looking like a stitch-up unless it’s worded right, and some people have raised issues with every set of options.

BB: That’s what we’ll do. We’ll word it right.

OTP: I see you’ve put a lot of thought into this. And how would you campaign for Remain in the lead-up to a second referendum?

BB: Good campaign.

OTP: And what would this good campaign involve?

BB: We’ll get experts from the establishment to come in and tell people that they voted wrong last time and need to make a smarter choice now. We’ve already lined up Tony Blair.

OTP: But people hate Tony Blair.

BB: If they want radical status-quoism, they’ll have to grow-up and start liking Tony Blair.

OTP: People hate radical status-quoism too.

BB: Troll! Troll! I’m being trolled!

OTP: Excellent. Well, best of luck with that new party you’re never going to set up.

BB: I’m going to tell the BBC you said that.

Having had quite enough of our nonsense, Barry Barry stormed off to cry to the mainstream media.

Featured image via FlickrAmtec Photos (image was altered)

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