#SwindonsSundaySermon: it’s 2029 and the UK has its first ever South African prime minister

It’s the year 2029 and Britain has ushered in its first ever South African Prime Minister, owner of Swindon Town Football Club, Elon Musk.

A cabinet of ghouls: a distinct possibility?

Prime Minister Musk, keen to hit the ground running, has already appointed the Right Honourable Andrew Tate, leader of the globally-respected BRUV Party, to the position of Secretary of State for Trafficking.

Hot on the heels of the Tate installation, PM Musk wastes no time bolstering his cabinet with the well-deserved appointment of the Right Honourable Tommy Robinson who will take over from some “Labor” wokeflake, serving as Secretary of State for Culture, Equality, and Community Cohesion.

Other notable appointments include Nick Fuentes, who comes in as Minister for White Supremacy, and fresh from pulling in a fortune from the Saudi government’s Sovereign Wealth Fund, there’s a long overdue promotion for Jared Kushner, who will hope to make a big impact when he takes up his role as Secretary of State for Tax Evasion and Witness Tampering.

Meanwhile, former ‘far-left’ Prime Minister Keir Starmer is set to be paraded naked through the streets of Camden, tied to the back of a Tesla, while former Reform UK leader is expected to be used as a strategically-positioned gargoyle along the White Cliffs of Dover.

See. I’ve only been away for three weeks, and I’ve gone from detesting Keir Starmer to his very core to still detesting Keir Starmer to his very core with the added complication of wondering just what a far-right coup would actually look like.

It’s bad enough having to wake up every day knowing the current Prime Minister is only in place because the establishment shit-out ten tonne of bricks, sideways, when Jeremy Corbyn came within a cats whisker of pulling off a remarkable general election victory in 2017, firmly reinforced by a deep and burning resentment for the Tory government’s that followed the 2019 general election.

Musk: making hay while the rest of us burn

But just imagine for one moment what it would be like to be governed by a fucking quote tweet?

We are often accused of being obsessed with events in Palestine. It’s a criticism I absolutely accept. If the whole country was obsessed with bringing an end to colonialism in the year 2025, and putting a stop to Israel’s genocide in Gaza, we would be one step closer to being able to look in the mirror at the reflection of our national conscience with a degree of pride.

But this does lead me to ask the far-right just one question:

Yes, we know child sexual abuse is the most heinous and wicked of crimes, and the perpetrators of such disgusting crimes should face the most severe of consequences possible.

But why are the far-right so ideologically motivated by this, above anything else?

We all agree child sexual abuse is a vile act, of course, but a Twitter-backed lynch mob isn’t how you get justice, just like it won’t secure a change of government.

You know the answer, I know the answer, and so do they.

But to pretend this is an exclusively Muslim problem is quite simply untrue, and quite blatantly an act of racism. Wilfully using sexually abused children to try and stir up the emotions of the hard-of-thinking fools that believe everything they read on Musk’s Twitter feed is a fucking despicable and callous thing to do.

‘Tyrannical’ = hypocritical

Keir Starmer is going to come up against some serious hostility from the world’s richest meme moron throughout this parliamentary term, although the Prime Minister can put an end to a vast majority of the scrutiny by simply blocking Musk on his own social media platform.

If the pro-Labour Daily Mirror is to be believed, Musk’s posts are being closely monitored by the Home Office’s counter-extremism unit. One of Musk’s recent batshit X polls asked his followers if ‘America should liberate the people of Britain from their tyrannical government’.

Twat.

This seems to be quite a bold statement on behalf of a country that tells a woman what she can and can’t do with her own body,

Isn’t it strange? It seems some types of foreign interference in our archaic democratic system is more okay than others.

Domestically, Keir Starmer is still facing a massive uphill battle to convince the British public that he is the right person to deliver on the numerous missions, milestones, promises and pledges that he made prior to the general election, six months ago.

Let’s not give Elon Musk and his far-right freak show the credit for Starmer’s nightmare six months. The collapse in popularity of the toolmaker’s son was entirely of his own doing and needed no assistance from the multi-billionaire Musk.

Musk and his advisers are said to be looking at ways to oust the Prime Minister. Perhaps someone can let him know that the British people decide who is in charge, not some ranty, interfering Twitter billionaire that doesn’t really have a clue how our flawed system of democracy actually works.

Yes, Labour are awful – and it’s not thanks to Elon Musk

I can honestly say with my hand on my heart, nothing feels any better than what it did this time last year.

People are still having to work two or three jobs to keep their heads above the rapidly-rising water.

The NHS is still being carved up to the benefit of private healthcare providers.

Energy costs are still way beyond affordable for a vast majority of us.

Rough sleepers are still freezing to death on our streets.

Britain still fuels and funds conflict and proxy wars around the world.

You are still being taxed to within an inch of your life while huge corporations get to dictate how much tax they should be paying.

Refugees and migrants are still shouldering the blame for most of the government’s own critical failures.

Disabled people are still facing institutional discrimination, regardless of the colour of the rosette.

The elderly are still having to make the choice between a warm meal and a warm bedroom.

Our public services are still vastly overpriced and massively underfunded.

This Labour Party government still takes millions of pounds from corporate donors, just like the last lot.

And, to our eternal shame, Britain is still an active participant and utterly complicit in the crime of Israel’s genocide.

This is why Keir Starmer is in a whole world of shit. He promised to govern with integrity and carried on where the Conservatives left off. The guarantee of “change” was a brazen lie.

And as much as Musk would like to take credit for the worst start for a British government in living memory, the blame lies solely with Keir Starmer.

Happy new year, folks.

It’s good to be back.

Featured image via Rachael Swindon