The Telegraph’s latest nincompoopery sums up the state of the UK media

We’ve come to expect the Telegraph not to give fair and balanced coverage to the issues facing the UK. It is, of course, a cheerleader for the Tories. But even by its pretty low standards, it just plumbed new depths.

Hell in a handcart? Not if you read the Telegraph.

While the UK, and the world, was going to coronavirus hell in a handcart, people on social media were noticing a problem with the Telegraph‘s front page on Sunday 1 March:

Frankly, if people working at the Telegraph are not utterly embarrassed by this edition, they don’t deserve to call themselves journalists https://t.co/PwS7CK1R6F

— Steve Parks (@steveparks) February 29, 2020

Yes, this is the news that the PM and his partner Carrie Symonds are expecting a baby, with a shotgun wedding thrown in for good measure. Seemingly, we should all be rejoicing at this news. The problem is, it’s hardly news. Johnson and Symonds’ admitted they got engaged at the end of 2019, and already knew about the baby. So, it’s almost as if it was an intentionally timed announcement. But what could the PM possible want to distract the public from?

Oddly, there are a few other things going on in the world.

Down the shitter

There wouldn’t be enough words for this article to include all the news items more important than the PM getting hitched with a sprog in tow. But some of them would include:

• The ongoing scandal with home secretary Priti Patel. Not least the resignation of a senior home office civil servant (not that he deserves our sympathies, either).
• Coronavirus and the UK’s alleged preparations (or lack of).
• A fourth weekend of severe weather in the UK, with the PM nowhere in sight.
• Turkey using Syrian refugees as a bargaining chip with the EU.
• The ongoing trial of Julian Assange.
• Perpetual chaos with the UK’s welfare state.
• Labour, the UK’s official opposition party, having the small matter of a leadership election.

But if you believe the Telegraph, not a lot else was happening. Problem is, the wedding and baby saga was a running theme across the papers.

Follow the leader. Literally.

The Sunday Express gave us:

Sunday EXPRESS: “Baby Joy For Boris And Carrie” #BBCPapers #TomorrowsPapersToday pic.twitter.com/NbGMAXX2Al

— Allie Hodgkins-Brown (@AllieHBNews) February 29, 2020

The Mail on Sunday positioned the story as eye-catchingly as possible:

MAIL On Sunday: “Leaked Emails: Britain Doesn’t Need Farmers” #BBCPapers #TomorrowsPapersToday pic.twitter.com/SfubiHxUgs

— Allie Hodgkins-Brown (@AllieHBNews) February 29, 2020

The supposedly liberal Independent recorded the story as somehow groundbreaking:

Sunday’s INDEPENDENT Digital: “Home Office chief quits accusing Patel of bullying” #BBCPapers #TomorrowsPapersToday pic.twitter.com/dyqTaH4EB6

— Allie Hodgkins-Brown (@AllieHBNews) February 29, 2020

Meanwhile, other outlets did focus on the ongoing Patel scandal. But they still managed to fit in some obligatory cooing as well:

The OBSERVER: “Patel’s future in doubt after Home Office chief resigns” #BBCPapers #TomorrowsPapersToday pic.twitter.com/a1lPKWcqq5

— Allie Hodgkins-Brown (@AllieHBNews) February 29, 2020

Albeit, when it came to the Sunday Times, there was a hint of sarcasm involved:

Sunday TIMES: “Home Office chief calls Patel a lying bully” # BBCPapers #TomorrowsPapersToday pic.twitter.com/KNCSWFxKWn

— Allie Hodgkins-Brown (@AllieHBNews) February 29, 2020

Even the allegedly left-wing Mirror chose not to avoid the story. But it gave it a slight twist:

Sunday MIRROR: “Mo: I’ve nothing to hide on dope claim” #BBCPapers #TomorrowsPapersToday pic.twitter.com/5wiUDov29d

— Allie Hodgkins-Brown (@AllieHBNews) February 29, 2020

As people noted this ‘news’ sums up the state of the UK’s establishment media:

A quick look at the British press today confirms what a disgrace they really are. Floods, potential pandemics, Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, Priti Patel and a barely visible Prime Minister, all buried under a ‘woman is pregnant’ story.

Johnson says jump, they say “how high”.

— Rachael Swindon #WeAreCollective (@Rachael_Swindon) March 1, 2020

And we should stop pretending that they do. In particular, @BBCNews should stop their regular “What the papers say” slots on TV & radio, allowing these propaganda sheets owned by tax-avoiding rightwing billionaires to set the daily news agenda and giving them free publicity

— David Merritt (@butwhatifitsall) March 1, 2020

“Ill-raised, ignorant, aggressive and illegitimate”?

Papers like the Telegraph are bound to want to portray the PM in a positive light while, at the same time, distracting from his catalogue of ongoing failings. Yet with most of the press acting in sync, it again raises questions about exactly what the UK media is good for. Because it seems they’re only fit for subservient capitulation to the government of the day.

Hey, never mind. A new baby coming into this horrific world should be a cause for celebration, right?

But let’s hope that Johnson and Symonds’ marriage lasts longer than his previous two. Because should it not, Symonds may be a single mother. And she may well be bringing up an “ill-raised, ignorant, aggressive and illegitimate” child. Her fiancé’s words about single mothers, not mine. It was probably too much to hope the media would point this out today.

Featured image via EU2017EE Estonian Presidency – Wikimedia and Wikimedia