Tories introduce monthly bin collections in a bid to appeal to rats

An overflowing bin and a message which reads 'CONSERVATIVES: WE'RE ALL BIN IT TOGETHER'
Support us and go ad-free

If there are two things people in Britain love, it’s:

  1. Festering piles of stinking rubbish.
  2. Hideous, disease-ridden rats.

Well good news, people of Britain! You keep voting for the austerity party, and now we’re getting monthly rubbish collections!

Let them eat shit!

Of course, monthly collections aren’t bad news for everyone. It’s great for rats, flies, and pigeons. The Tory minister for desperately trying to cling to power said this:

Some people say that 16-year-olds should be able to vote. We in the Tory Party say, ‘why not rats’? I’ve done many things more sickening than a rat – should I not have a right to vote? It’s a real injustice that needs solving.

Obviously rats can’t scurry into polling booths and vote. The Tories propose that any rat which accepts their rubbish probably supports the Tory Party, though. They also pointed out rats are naturally in line with Tories, as both rely on the output of other people to sustain their grimy lifestyles.

Nationwide 

Not every council implementing monthly collections will be Conservative, but every one will be doing so because of Tory austerity.

This is what David Cameron meant when he planned for us to ‘all be in it together’. A country that stinks and has a permanent cloud of flies hanging over it.

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

Welcome to Great Shitain!

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via pixabay / British Pest Control Association /  [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]

Support us and go ad-free

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop

 

The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed