Tories ask Trump for help drawing up Brexit white paper

The Tories have been worried about what to put in their Brexit white paper. Although Labour has basically given them a blank cheque for Brexit, they still don’t want to give too much away. Which is to say they don’t want to give too much information away. Because everything else will obviously be up for grabs – from the NHS to the ‘great’ in Great Britain.

Which is convenient. Because we all know there’s a world leader out there who’s in the market for a little ‘great’.

Trump it up

The UK government asked President Trump to help it write its white paper. And although he has little-to-no experience in political matters, he will at least claim to be interested in giving us a deal in the future.

Which, if his ‘America First’ shtick is anything to go by, he isn’t.

But he should at least give the Tories some time to come up with a plan.

Or at least some time to blow the education budget on a billion EuroMillions lottery tickets.

Or just to persuade the Queen that the jig is up, and it’s time to return back to the planet Xog.

https://twitter.com/hourlyterrier/status/826893912031760385

Trump writes

Although Trump was eager to show everyone that he could do words with his pen, it wasn’t easy keeping his attention:

me pic.twitter.com/R64NwAYGKu

— Trump Draws (@TrumpDraws) January 31, 2017

Eventually, however, they managed to get him to write something on message:

This was obviously too on message, however, so they had another go:

The problem with this was that it implied that Nigel Farage was a part of the government. Which he isn’t. He’s just an unelected man who decides what the government has to do.

And so they asked Trump to change it again:

But obviously this still wasn’t good enough, so they had another pop:

Which clearly wasn’t acceptable, but unfortunately Trump became embroiled in a Twitter argument with the entire cast of The Lion King: The Musical. And as such, the government had to retreat to the White House’s bunker until the threat of Trump starting a nuclear war had subsided.

Brexit means Trump

There are, of course, people in the UK who don’t mind the idea of Trump being our boss. Which would mean an actual loss of sovereignty, as opposed to the imagined loss we experienced from being in the EU.

"This isn't actually a problem, but it was easier to moan than tell the voters, so now we have to do this ludicrous thing, because feels."

— Douglas (@dijdowell) February 2, 2017

And to be fair, Trump would set fire to all that red-tape they hate so much.

Because there’s a fair chance he’ll set fire to everything.

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Featured image via YouTube