Elections are unfair because ‘nobody likes us’, complain Labour right-wingers

A man screaming with a cheering crowd behind him
John Shafthauer

Nine places were up for grabs on Labour’s NEC. After a vote from members, nine left-wing candidates were voted in.

This has elicited much complaining from the losers, who point out democracy isn’t very fair if you:

  1. Are incredibly unpopular.
  2. Don’t have any ideas.
  3. Routinely refer to the people voting for you as ‘cultists’ and ‘twats’.

Cry me a river

One of the losers had this to say:

The left-wing candidates may have beaten me in this election, but they’ll never win in an election. Voters don’t want left-wing politics – they want whatever I vaguely hint at standing for. I’m going to keep seeking election until people realise they want to elect me!

Another said:

This democratisation of the Labour Party is abhorrent. I spent years kissing Tony Blair’s arse to get where I am, and now they’re saying I have to please voters instead. I’m sorry, but that’s simply too many arses to kiss!

When it was explained that voters could be easily pleased with things like policies that appeal to them, they replied:

Can we not just be given a voting handicap so we have a shot at getting in? You claim to want fairness after all. Expecting us to win on merit is prejudice!

For the many

Democratising the Labour Party is the most important thing Corbyn is overseeing. Not because it will keep him in power, but because it will stop future politicians from handshaking their way to the top.

The fact that Britain’s most useless politicians are ardently against it is a sure sign that it’s needed.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via Moses – Wikimedia / pixabay [IMAGE WAS ALTERED]

We need your help ...

The coronavirus pandemic is changing our world, fast. And we will do all we can to keep bringing you news and analysis throughout. But we are worried about maintaining enough income to pay our staff and minimal overheads.

Now, more than ever, we need a vibrant, independent media that holds the government to account and calls it out when it puts vested economic interests above human lives. We need a media that shows solidarity with the people most affected by the crisis – and one that can help to build a world based on collaboration and compassion.

We have been fighting against an establishment that is trying to shut us down. And like most independent media, we don’t have the deep pockets of investors to call on to bail us out.

Can you help by chipping in a few pounds each month?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed