Tepid politician being paid to head clueless thinktank confirms centrism is back

Chuka Umunna saying "Things can only get better. By which I mean my bank balance. By which I mean cha-ching"
Support us and go ad-free

When Chuka Umunna said centrism was back, most people thought:


Followed by:

Oh wait, you’re serious?

It’s since turned out that Umunna is being paid a shit-load of money to front this joke:

So it looks like centrist politics is back. If you define political centrism as a movement in which tepid politicians accept handfuls of cash to forward the interests of big business. Which you should, because that’s what it is.

We’re back, baby!

Someone asked Umunna if he doesn’t so much believe in centrism as he believes in getting paid. He answered:

I’m confused. If I wasn’t earning lucrative second-job wages, how would that even be centrism?

When it was explained that other politicians promoted ideas because they believed in them, he said:

That’s what I’m doing. I’m promoting the idea that if someone pays me I’ll promote their ideas.


As Umunna spoke, Amazon owner Jeff Bezos walked over and stuffed a blank cheque into his waistband. The rest of his talk was just about how great internet monopolies are.

If you yourself would like the political backing of a minor backbencher who is somehow all over the news, send a cheque to:

Chuka Umunna

The Opposition Benches (for now)



Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via Labour Party – YouTube

Support us and go ad-free

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed