Nick Clegg takes Facebook into coalition with the Matrix

Nick Clegg over a coding/Matrix background and the Facebook thumbs up

Facebook has employed Nick Clegg. True to form, the former Lib Dem leader has pushed for the company to go into coalition with a larger, more malevolent force. This time, it’s the Matrix.

Free labour

That Facebook offered Clegg a job surprised many. It turns out he’s been doing pro-bono work for years, though – like this article from 2017:

Enter the Matrix

Once in, Clegg looked at the problems Facebook finds itself dealing with:

  • Users’ privacy concerns.
  • Fear that malevolent bots have overrun the site.
  • Worry that there are too many/not enough Keanu Reeves fan pages.

The savvy Clegg observed the situation and suggested:

Why don’t we jump into bed with the Matrix?

Read on...

This coalition offers a solution to the privacy issue, as the Matrix will trick people into thinking they have privacy. The Matrix can also disguise the fact it exists, and tailor the frequency of Keanu Reeves to users’ preferences.

The downside is the Matrix will suck the life out of its users. This is also what the coalition government did – it will be more efficient this time, as they’ll use tubes instead of austerity.

Here we go again

Many have criticised Clegg’s suggestions – especially the one that uploading pictures should cost £9,000 a year. On the other hand, people dislike the social media giant as much as they dislike Clegg.

As such, if they want to tank the last of their credibility working together, who are we to stand in their way?

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via David Spender – Wikimedia / SVG Silh / Pixabay (IMAGE WAS ALTERED)

We need your help to keep speaking the truth

Every story that you have come to us with; each injustice you have asked us to investigate; every campaign we have fought; each of your unheard voices we amplified; we do this for you. We are making a difference on your behalf.

Our fight is your fight. You’ve supported our collective struggle every time you gave us a like; and every time you shared our work across social media. Now we need you to support us with a monthly donation.

We have published nearly 2,000 articles and over 50 films in 2021. And we want to do this and more in 2022 but we don’t have enough money to go on at this pace. So, if you value our work and want us to continue then please join us and be part of The Canary family.

In return, you get:

* Advert free reading experience
* Quarterly group video call with the Editor-in-Chief
* Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
* 20% discount in our shop

Almost all of our spending goes to the people who make The Canary’s content. So your contribution directly supports our writers and enables us to continue to do what we do: speaking truth, powered by you. We have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence our vital opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right-wing mainstream media.

With your help we can continue:

* Holding political and state power to account
* Advocating for the people the system marginalises
* Being a media outlet that upholds the highest standards
* Campaigning on the issues others won’t
* Putting your lives central to everything we do

We are a drop of truth in an ocean of deceit. But we can’t do this without your support. So please, can you help us continue the fight?

The Canary Support us

Comments are closed