Nick Clegg takes Facebook into coalition with the Matrix

Nick Clegg over a coding/Matrix background and the Facebook thumbs up
Support us and go ad-free

Facebook has employed Nick Clegg. True to form, the former Lib Dem leader has pushed for the company to go into coalition with a larger, more malevolent force. This time, it’s the Matrix.

Free labour

That Facebook offered Clegg a job surprised many. It turns out he’s been doing pro-bono work for years, though – like this article from 2017:

Enter the Matrix

Once in, Clegg looked at the problems Facebook finds itself dealing with:

  • Users’ privacy concerns.
  • Fear that malevolent bots have overrun the site.
  • Worry that there are too many/not enough Keanu Reeves fan pages.

The savvy Clegg observed the situation and suggested:

Why don’t we jump into bed with the Matrix?

Read on...

Support us and go ad-free

This coalition offers a solution to the privacy issue, as the Matrix will trick people into thinking they have privacy. The Matrix can also disguise the fact it exists, and tailor the frequency of Keanu Reeves to users’ preferences.

The downside is the Matrix will suck the life out of its users. This is also what the coalition government did – it will be more efficient this time, as they’ll use tubes instead of austerity.

Here we go again

Many have criticised Clegg’s suggestions – especially the one that uploading pictures should cost £9,000 a year. On the other hand, people dislike the social media giant as much as they dislike Clegg.

As such, if they want to tank the last of their credibility working together, who are we to stand in their way?

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via David Spender – Wikimedia / SVG Silh / Pixabay (IMAGE WAS ALTERED)

Support us and go ad-free

Do your bit for independent journalism

Did you know that less than 1.5% of our readers contribute financially to The Canary? Imagine what we could do if just a few more people joined our movement to achieve a shared vision of a free and fair society where we nurture people and planet.

We need you to help out, if you can.

When you give a monthly amount to fund our work, you are supporting truly independent journalism. We hold power to account and have weathered many attempts to shut us down and silence the counterpoint to the mainstream.

You can count on us for rigorous journalism and fearless opposition to an increasingly fascist government and right wing mainstream media.

In return you get:

  • Advert free reading experience
  • Behind the scenes monthly e-newsletter
  • 20% discount from our shop


The Canary Fund us

Comments are closed