Heroic Americans defeat goats

Images of the American hunters who took pictures of themselves with the goats they'd shot
John Shafthauer

As Hollywood movies have taught us, Americans don’t lead the world for nothing. Their frontier past has filled them with a rugged courage unmatched by any other nation. This was obvious when two Americans travelled to a Scottish island to battle nature’s deadliest terror: GOATS!

Goat GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Goat to hell

Goats are a well-known menace in the British Isles. Here’s a video showing a murder of goats savaging a defenceless woman (VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED):

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Goat GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

This goat attempts to tear a woman’s face off with its spoon-sharp hooves (VIEWER DISCRETION IS STRONGLY RECOMMENDED):

Goat GIF by Cheezburger - Find & Share on GIPHY

Goats are also well known for tenderising the meat of their prey before eating them alive (VIEWERS JUST SHOULDN’T WATCH THIS):

Baby Goats GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Heroism is a strong word

The brave Americans who slew these fell beasts said:

It’s a real David and Goliath story. Just better, because this time America won!

An increasingly muddled President Trump also weighed in:

They’ve got real issues with goats in the UK. Big problem! Some of these suckers grow 10ft tall. My son got his first real erection slaying a goat.

Someone pointed out the UK actually has little issue with goats and sheep beyond occasional nibbling. Trump decried this as:

Fake ewes!

People vs Nature 

At the end of the day, it’s easy to make fun of professional hunters, but ask yourself this: would you have the courage to shoot a goat with a high-powered rifle from a distance of several hundreds of metres away?

I didn’t think so.

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Featured image via screengrab / screengrab (IMAGES WERE ALTERED)

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John Shafthauer