• Disrupting Power Since 2015
  • Donate
  • Login
Monday, May 12, 2025
  • Login
  • Register
Canary
MEDIA THAT DISRUPTS
  • News
    • UK
    • Global
    • Analysis
    • Trending
  • Editorial
  • Features
    • Features
    • Environment
    • Lifestyle
    • Health
    • Money
    • Science
    • Business
    • Tech
    • Travel
    • Sport & Gaming
  • Media
    • Video
    • Cartoons
  • Opinion
No Result
View All Result
MANAGE SUBSCRIPTION
SUPPORT
  • News
    • UK
    • Global
    • Analysis
    • Trending
  • Editorial
  • Features
    • Features
    • Environment
    • Lifestyle
    • Health
    • Money
    • Science
    • Business
    • Tech
    • Travel
    • Sport & Gaming
  • Media
    • Video
    • Cartoons
  • Opinion
No Result
View All Result
Canary
No Result
View All Result

Heroic Americans defeat goats

John Shafthauer by John Shafthauer
13 November 2018
in UK
Reading Time: 2 mins read
165 7
A A
0
Home UK
320
SHARES
2.5k
VIEWS
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

As Hollywood movies have taught us, Americans don’t lead the world for nothing. Their frontier past has filled them with a rugged courage unmatched by any other nation. This was obvious when two Americans travelled to a Scottish island to battle nature’s deadliest terror: GOATS!

https://giphy.com/gifs/goat-108Y1SMrGePEDC

Goat to hell

Goats are a well-known menace in the British Isles. Here’s a video showing a murder of goats savaging a defenceless woman (VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED):

https://giphy.com/gifs/kids-goat-humans-8dWfH52tbGErm

This goat attempts to tear a woman’s face off with its spoon-sharp hooves (VIEWER DISCRETION IS STRONGLY RECOMMENDED):

https://giphy.com/gifs/goats-karate-critters-1nnvuMqn1DMME

Goats are also well known for tenderising the meat of their prey before eating them alive (VIEWERS JUST SHOULDN’T WATCH THIS):

https://giphy.com/gifs/goats-baby-C4Ic1KXSb3yVi

Heroism is a strong word

The brave Americans who slew these fell beasts said:

It’s a real David and Goliath story. Just better, because this time America won!

An increasingly muddled President Trump also weighed in:

They’ve got real issues with goats in the UK. Big problem! Some of these suckers grow 10ft tall. My son got his first real erection slaying a goat.

Someone pointed out the UK actually has little issue with goats and sheep beyond occasional nibbling. Trump decried this as:

Fake ewes!

People vs Nature 

At the end of the day, it’s easy to make fun of professional hunters, but ask yourself this: would you have the courage to shoot a goat with a high-powered rifle from a distance of several hundreds of metres away?

I didn’t think so.

Get Involved!

– For more satirical news, you can also follow Off The Perch on Facebook and Twitter.

– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.

Featured image via screengrab / screengrab (IMAGES WERE ALTERED)

Share128Tweet80
Previous Post

Labour’s new DWP pledge is only a half measure

Next Post

Nicola Sturgeon calls out a Tory MSP for her ‘appalling’ and ‘ignorant’ DWP comments

Next Post
Nicola Sturgeon in Holyrood

Nicola Sturgeon calls out a Tory MSP for her ‘appalling’ and ‘ignorant’ DWP comments

An Extinction Rebellion demo

Government inaction is leading to our extinction. Time to rebel.

Protesters march on the Pentagon in Washington.

Activists march on Washington, calling for end to US wars and foreign military bases

Paul Mason on Question TIme

Watch Paul Mason blow apart the austerity con on Question Time

Grace Blakeley on this week

Watch a guest school a room full of establishment pundits, leaving Andrew Neil quiet as a mouse

UN experts say Israel has 'criminal responsibility' for 'genocidal conduct'
Analysis

UN experts have now accused Israel of ‘genocidal conduct’ in Gaza

by Maryam Jameela
12 May 2025
A new petition calls for mandatory training for education staff on neurodivergence
News

A new petition calls for mandatory training for education staff on neurodivergence

by The Canary
12 May 2025
Retrofit For the Future campaign is taking its demands to the heart of government
News

Retrofit For the Future campaign is taking its demands to the heart of government

by Hannah Sharland
12 May 2025
DWP PIP cuts will hit over one million people aged 50 and over
Analysis

DWP PIP cuts will hit one million people aged 50 and over, new FOI reveals

by Steve Topple
11 May 2025
Fire at Moss Landing Battery site, CA North Yorkshire
Analysis

North Yorkshire battery site sparks fury – but is there an alternative?

by HG
11 May 2025
  • Contact
  • About & FAQ
  • Get our Daily News Email
  • Privacy Policy
  • Cookie Policy

The Canary
PO Box 71199
LONDON
SE20 9EX

Canary Media Ltd – registered in England. Company registration number 09788095.

For guest posting, contact [email protected]

For other enquiries, contact: [email protected]

The Canary is owned and run by independent journalists and volunteers, NOT offshore billionaires.

You can write for us, or support us by making a regular or one-off donation.

© Canary Media Ltd 2024, all rights reserved | Website by Monster | Hosted by Krystal | Privacy Settings

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password? Sign Up

Create New Account!

Fill the forms below to register

All fields are required. Log In

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In
No Result
View All Result
  • News
    • UK
    • Global
    • Analysis
    • Trending
  • Editorial
  • Features
    • Features
    • Environment
    • Lifestyle
    • Health
    • Money
    • Science
    • Business
    • Tech
    • Travel
    • Sport & Gaming
  • Media
    • Video
    • Cartoons
  • Opinion

© 2023 Canary - Worker's co-op.

Before you go, have you seen...?

UN experts say Israel has 'criminal responsibility' for 'genocidal conduct'
Analysis
Maryam Jameela

UN experts have now accused Israel of ‘genocidal conduct’ in Gaza

A new petition calls for mandatory training for education staff on neurodivergence
News
The Canary

A new petition calls for mandatory training for education staff on neurodivergence

Retrofit For the Future campaign is taking its demands to the heart of government
News
Hannah Sharland

Retrofit For the Future campaign is taking its demands to the heart of government

DWP PIP cuts will hit over one million people aged 50 and over
Analysis
Steve Topple

DWP PIP cuts will hit one million people aged 50 and over, new FOI reveals

ADVERTISEMENT
Lifestyle
Nathan Spears

Why More People Are Seeking Legal Advice When Separating

Travel
Nathan Spears

Hungary Vignette Adventures: Discovering Hidden Gems by Car

How Social Media Affects the Mental Health of Young Adults Today
Tech
The Canary

How Social Media Affects the Mental Health of Young Adults Today