As Hollywood movies have taught us, Americans don’t lead the world for nothing. Their frontier past has filled them with a rugged courage unmatched by any other nation. This was obvious when two Americans travelled to a Scottish island to battle nature’s deadliest terror: GOATS!
Goat to hell
Goats are a well-known menace in the British Isles. Here’s a video showing a murder of goats savaging a defenceless woman (VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED):
This goat attempts to tear a woman’s face off with its spoon-sharp hooves (VIEWER DISCRETION IS STRONGLY RECOMMENDED):
Goats are also well known for tenderising the meat of their prey before eating them alive (VIEWERS JUST SHOULDN’T WATCH THIS):
Heroism is a strong word
The brave Americans who slew these fell beasts said:
It’s a real David and Goliath story. Just better, because this time America won!
An increasingly muddled President Trump also weighed in:
They’ve got real issues with goats in the UK. Big problem! Some of these suckers grow 10ft tall. My son got his first real erection slaying a goat.
Someone pointed out the UK actually has little issue with goats and sheep beyond occasional nibbling. Trump decried this as:
People vs Nature
At the end of the day, it’s easy to make fun of professional hunters, but ask yourself this: would you have the courage to shoot a goat with a high-powered rifle from a distance of several hundreds of metres away?
I didn’t think so.
– Join The Canary, so we can keep holding the powerful to account.